alive, so far

Ini adalah perjalanan untuk mengenal diri seseorang yang berlindung di balik nama Lina.

It is around 4 pm already. Instead of working, now I am betraying myself for I have this unnerved feeling which suddenly just come and strongly make me a bit discourage for whatever reasons. At least, as I was saying in my last post, I want to appreciate myself sometimes.

I have been so impressed with they who can make their life lighter and happier. Alas, I have been trying so hard to tackle down my own feelings these past weeks. Me being very anxious that next week I am going to start my last semester and still not sure about my thesis also contribute to this anxiety. However that is okay, I am perfectly understand that whatever paths I choose must help me to grow, so I never expect that my choices would be easy.

I am also having this unsettling senses whenever I have to socialize with people. I know this is not good, both for my career and for my own self sometimes. Anyway I am just born with it, and the fact that I still care on how people see me becomes a proof that there is this feeling that I want to be accepted, or should I say this is a sign to start building a new one? In the pasts, there were these times when I forced myself so hard only trying to be a part of group, which is in the end, I always lost. Even though I got what I want, I ruined my self.

But don’t worry. By writing this I learned something. I want to wide my own circles and learn more from new people. I understand, a part of me being socially anxious is indeed one of the many weakness I have. However I realize, because I know they are my weakness, it is also my wole to overcome them. After all, only the one that has the same frequency can be synced.

Photo by Mikael Kristenson on Unsplash